Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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