masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
