i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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