the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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