i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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