DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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