the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
