First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize