So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
