He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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