i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my poor anus
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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