I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
