As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
