College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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