At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
