she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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