speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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