I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
