I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize