Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
