so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
