if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
