First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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