Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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