I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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