Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
