Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
