i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
