Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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