Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
