so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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