just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
