the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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