Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
