I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
