My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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