At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
