I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
