I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need water and some morals
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
