I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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