It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
