can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
