If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
