i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
