I cannot find my penis.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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