Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
