Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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