pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
