I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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