My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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