he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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