How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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