I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
