just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
