how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
