It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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