So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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