Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
