That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
