My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
