I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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