I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
