the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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