he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
