Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
