im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
