Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
