Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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