At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
