So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
