hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
