My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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