it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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