The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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