a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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