My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
