Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
