Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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