Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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