Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
