Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
