Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
