I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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